Lonely

My husband is at work to iChat, working 3pm to about 2am. When he is gone I'm. Set able. I feel all alone. I dknt know if I'm suffering for post pregnancy depression or if I'm just acting silly. I don't want to do anything if it wasn't for my daughter I feel like I would lye in bed all day without doing nothing. My family is so far away, I miss them don't know what to do. I'm just gonna head to bed, don't feel like finishing this

Da-Da

It's 8:30am I have been home from work for about an hour now. Ive checked my mail, ate a yogurt & have been playing around on my facebook doing stuff. I should probably go to bed but my body is itching like crazy. I dont know if its because of one of the people I work for. He is always itching or if its something biting me or it could just be im going nuts.  I thought about showering again but I hate to waste water if its just in my mind. Ill sit here & unwind then decide.

Anyways to start this off, My daughter will be 6 months on the 21st of April & she blows my mind. She smacks her hands together like shes playing patty cake, of course not around me. She is crawling, moving in her walker, attempting to sit up with no support but the thing that really got me yesterday was her 1st real audible words. She was mad & she yelled da-da-da da! I couldn't believe it, my jaw dropped. My husband thinks its just sounds shes making & it happened to be that "She doesn't even know what it means" he stated which could be true BUT, she will know & by the time she knows ma-ma may not have even brushed her mind. I've tried to coast her into saying mama first but guess it didn't work out. There's always our next child, one of them is bound to speak my name 1st.

I feel I have been slacking as a mother, letting my mother in law do alot for my daughter. I want to step up to the plate & just start taking over. She is my daughter, I mean not my mother in laws & she shouldn't have to do everything. I know she doesnt mind but I do. Makes me feel gross. i want to be able to show people the new things she is doing not vise-Vera. Im vowing from this day forward to do more. Doesn't matter how I feel or how many hours I worked or lack of sleep. I want my daughter to do things for me & want to spend time with me & rely on me not jsut smile because she gets to see my for a few hours before work.

Lately I felt as tho Im going thru that post pregnancy depression but at the same time Im unsure. One day im happy the next sad. I feel fat & ugly but then I feel normal. It could be lack of sun or vitamins & food. I gotta start being more healthy for me , my husband & our baby girl.

I think ima take a shower feel like things are crawling on me.

                Until next time my friend

Easter Cards

It's 8:49am on the Saturday before Easter & what am I doing? Getting all my Easter cards together to send out to family. I really need to get on the ball with these things. It might be nice if people actually got things before the holidays so they can sit them out & admire them. At least I'm trying, Theirs always the next holiday. Some of the cards I think look like poo, damn printer is leaving lines on Laila's face, Plus it is low on ink. Looks like I'll be buying another couple cartridges if I want to print more pictures. This year Ms. Laila wont understand Easter, or painting the eggs or even what the Easter bunny is but next year she should. She's growing up too fast. Oh and did I mention that I was at the store today & completely forgot about the envelopes that I need to mail the cards out in or even the stamps I need to put on the envelopes to send the cards. lol that's me, always forgetting something. I do have labels so I don't have to write our address 50 million times just everyone else's. oh well its what i get for wanting to share the growth of baby girl. I better get going before I forget something.

Until next time

Missed it :(

Yesterday(April 1st, 2012), My daughter who is almost 6 months old went for a trip to orange county with my in-laws to see her great granpa. I have to work every other weekend & usually its two 12 hour shifts back to back. Needles to say I couldnt go. While Laila was at granpa's house she was in her walking & was moving it!!! Going backwards, luckily Aunt Liz recorded a few moves for me. I am sad that I missed it like I missed her 1st time, rolling over But I am happy granpa was able tosee her 1st moves. I work nights so its hard. My mother in law keeps her while Im at work. I wish I didnt have to work so much, I work all night & sleep all day. What kind of life is that? it will be great once Laila starts going to school. I can sleep while shes in school & be awake to spend time with her & put her to bed before I have to head to work. Now tho, I feel like Im missing everything because Im either sleeping or working.
I shouldnt complain the checks are nice & the insurance is good. Laila is my 1st child so I dont want to miss it. Most young mothers dont usually appricate this kind of things but Im a sappy tomboy at heart. I dont wanna miss anything. I cant wait until she does more things but at the same time I wish she would slow down I feel like I just had her. Its 8:55am I worked last night so I should probably wash up, change out of my work clothes & head over to the in-laws to see if my babygirl is up.